Thanks to my teacher Guilherme again for showing me this text. This one is not as serious as the other (after reading this, you may want to read 7 Questions That Make Interviewers Cringe), this is actually a kind of funny. Probably, you won't believe in some of these phrases. Can you imagine a candidate for job asking you if you want some cocaine before starting the interview? What about stop talking and start reading?

Strange Job Interview Behaviour

Most managers and supervisors (and HR people) have had experiences interviewing candidates for job openings. I'm sure each of you has, at one time or another, been baffled by interviewee behaviour, but we're betting you haven't faced some of the behaviours that we list below. Certainly head-scratchers, and amusing (at least to read about). Strange but true.

Based on a survey published via the Internet, here are some of the odd things reported by HR professionals.

1. "... said he was so well-qualified that if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent."

2. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

3. "... brought her large dog to the interview."

4. "... chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles."

5. "Candidate kept giggling through serious interview."

6. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."

7. "Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

8. "Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle."

9. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

10. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office."

11. "Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview."

12. "Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president."

13. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

14. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."

15. "... wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police."

16. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."

17. "... had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him."

18. "... bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet."

19. "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

20. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

21. "Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer I had made was formal."

22. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

23. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."

24. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview."

25. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."

26. "An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus."

27. "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

28. "He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped."

29. "He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time."

30. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

31. "He whistled when the interviewer was talking."

32. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security."

33. "... she threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened."

34. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."

35. "... asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview."

This text was found on Work911.com.

I wanna thank my teacher Guilherme for showing me this very interesting text. Remember people: don't ask these questions when you are in a job interview!

By Beth Braccio Hering, CareerBuilder.com

What you ask and when you ask it can alert an interviewer to your interest and work ethic.

Chances are you've prepared answers to a variety of questions an interviewer might throw your way, but have you spent equal time considering the questions you want to pose to a potential employer?

What you ask (and sometimes when) can speak volumes about your interest and work ethic. Keep interviewers from cringing -- and possibly questioning your suitability for the position -- by avoiding these seven questions:

1. What does your company do?

Sure, an interview is a two-way street designed for both parties to learn about one another. Yet how can a job seeker prove he is the person for the position if he doesn't even know the basics about where he wants to work?

"I feel that if someone is coming to an interview he should have some background about who we are and what we do," says Tina Kummelman, human resources business partner for Levindale Hebrew Geriatric Center and Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. "Specific questions are great, but the overall blanketed question tells me someone did not do his homework."

Bottom line: Don't waste the interviewer's time by having her recite what could have been learned beforehand on the company's website.

2. How much does the role pay?

It may be the answer you're dying to know, but seeking this information too soon can make you look like you're jumping the gun.

"Just don't ask it. It sends the wrong message," says Chris Brabec, director of leadership talent acquisition for Western Union.

Adds colleague Julie Rulis, senior recruiter with the talent acquisition team, "I believe this question should be saved for later stages in the interview process. Asking about salary or benefits in the first interview isn't the impression you want to leave with an employer."

A better idea: Do some research ahead of time to get a feel for what similar jobs are paying.

3. What are the hours of this position?

"This one question makes me cringe more than any other," says Paul Solomon, president of Solo Management, a New York-based executive recruitment firm that specializes in financial industry recruitment. "Wall Street managers don't want a clock watcher, so when I hear that question I know the candidate will not be the right fit."

Rulis agrees. "Although I understand why candidates are eager to know this up front, it can raise a question regarding their work ethic if asked too early in the process."

4. How many sick days do I get?

What goes through the interviewer's mind when hearing this question?

"We are in the business of developing leaders, not slouchers!" states Gary Rich, president of Rich Leadership, an executive coaching firm in New York City.

Keep a potential employer from questioning your motivation (or your health) by looking this up in the employee handbook at a later time.

5. How much time do I get off?

Like numbers three and four, this question can make a potential employer wonder if a candidate is more interested in getting out of work than actually contributing. It is especially frowned upon in fields requiring significant motivation from the get-go.

"A career as a financial representative is what you make of it. Your hard work helps determine your rewards. You have the ability to be your own boss, build your own practice and arrange your own schedule, while making a positive impact on your clients' lives," states Randi Michaelson, a director of recruitment and selection for The McTigue Financial Group in Chicago who recruits career changers to work as Northwestern Mutual financial representatives.

"In the beginning, it takes time, energy and commitment, but successful financial representatives -- like successful entrepreneurs -- are able to enjoy work-life balance among other rewards."

6. If I'm hired, when can I begin applying for other roles within the company?

"This question makes it seem like the candidate isn't really interested in the job she is currently interviewing for -- that she really just wants a foot in the door," Rulis says.

While ultimately you might have higher aspirations than the position for which you are applying, remember that an employer is looking for the best person to fill an opening for what the company needs now, not in the future.

7. Do you do background checks?

If you don't have something to hide, you probably aren't going to bother asking this one. If you do ...

Rich sums up the feelings most interviewers have after hearing this question, "I definitely don't want this person on my payroll!"

Here in Brazil, we are used to saying "you are speaking Greek" (in Portuguese, "você está falando grego") to someone when you don't understand anything they are saying, when their tongue is not really clear, it is difficult to understand. Abroad, English speakers have a similiar expression, "you are speaking Dutch", with the same meaning.

Once, a Dutch school teacher and author, Dr. Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870-1946), also known under the pseudonym Charivarius, returned the compliment when he wrote a long poem, The Chaos, which shows that English is not that easy in spelling and pronunciation.

This poem was first published in Amsterdam as an appendix to the fourth edition of his schoolbook Drop Your Foreign Accent: engelsche uitspraakoefeningen (Haarlem: H D Tjeenk Willink & Zoon, 1920). Since the publication of that edition, the poem had been expanded. So many different versions have been in circulation in so many different countries. The first edition had only 146 lines. The newest edition, made by the Spelling Society in 1994, as a compilation of the various modifications made to the poem as the time passed by, has 274 lines and contains about 800 of the worst irregularities in English spelling and pronunciation.

Now we are going to see the Spelling Society's version of The Chaos. Here goes the full poem, with the confusing words printed in bolds:

Dearest creature in creation

Studying English pronunciation,

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.



I will keep you, Susy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy;

Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;

Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.



Pray, console your loving poet,

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!

Just compare heart, hear and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word.



Sword and sward, retain and Britain

(Mind the latter how it's written).

Made has not the sound of bade,

Say - said, pay - paid, laid but plaid.



Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as vague and ague,

But be careful how you speak,

Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak,



Previous, precious, fuchsia, via

Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;

Woven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.



Say, expecting fraud and trickery:

Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,

Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,

Missiles, similes, reviles.



Wholly, holly, signal, signing,

Same, examining, but mining,

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far.



From "desire": desirable - admirable from "admire",

Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,

Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,

Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,



One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.

Gertrude, German, wind and wind,

Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,



Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,

Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.

This phonetic labyrinth

Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.



Have you ever yet endeavoured

To pronounce revered and severed,

Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,

Peter, petrol and patrol?



Billet does not end like ballet;

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.



Banquet is not nearly parquet,

Which exactly rhymes with khaki.

Discount, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward,



Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?

Right! Your pronunciation's OK.

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.



Is your R correct in higher?

Keats asserts it rhymes with Thalia.

Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,

Buoyant, minute, but minute.



Say abscission with precision,

Now: position and transition;

Would it tally with my rhyme

If I mentioned paradigm?



Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,

But cease, crease, grease and greasy?

Cornice, nice, valise, revise,

Rabies, but lullabies.



Of such puzzling words as nauseous,

Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,

You'll envelop lists, I hope,

In a linen envelope.



Would you like some more? You'll have it!

Affidavit, David, davit.

To abjure, to perjure. Sheik

Does not sound like Czech but ache.



Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed but vowed.



Mark the difference, moreover,

Between mover, plover, Dover.

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice,



Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, penal, and canal,

Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,



Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit

Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",

But it is not hard to tell

Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.



Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,

Timber, climber, bullion, lion,

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor,



Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

Has the A of drachm and hammer.

Pussy, hussy and possess,

Desert, but desert, address.



Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants

Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.

Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,

Cow, but Cowper, some and home.



"Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker",

Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor",

Making, it is sad but true,

In bravado, much ado.



Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.



Arsenic, specific, scenic,

Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.

Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,

Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.



Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,

Make the latter rhyme with eagle.

Mind! Meandering but mean,

Valentine and magazine.



And I bet you, dear, a penny,

You say mani-(fold) like many,

Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,

Tier (one who ties), but tier.



Arch, archangel; pray, does erring

Rhyme with herring or with stirring?

Prison, bison, treasure trove,

Treason, hover, cover, cove,



Perseverance, severance. Ribald

Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.

Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,

Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.



Don't be down, my own, but rough it,

And distinguish buffet, buffet;

Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,

Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.



Say in sounds correct and sterling

Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.

Evil, devil, mezzotint,

Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)



Now you need not pay attention

To such sounds as I don't mention,

Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,

Rhyming with the pronoun yours;



Nor are proper names included,

Though I often heard, as you did,

Funny rhymes to unicorn,

Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.



No, my maiden, coy and comely,

I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.

No. Yet Froude compared with proud

Is no better than McLeod.



But mind trivial and vial,

Tripod, menial, denial,

Troll and trolley, realm and ream,

Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.



Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely

May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,

But you're not supposed to say

Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.



Had this invalid invalid

Worthless documents? How pallid,

How uncouth he, couchant, looked,

When for Portsmouth I had booked!



Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,

Paramour, enamoured, flighty,

Episodes, antipodes,

Acquiesce, and obsequies.



Please don't monkey with the geyser,

Don't peel 'taters with my razor,

Rather say in accents pure:

Nature, stature and mature.



Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,

Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,

Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,

Wan, sedan and artisan.



The TH will surely trouble you

More than R, CH or W.

Say then these phonetic gems:

Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.



Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,

There are more but I forget 'em -

Wait! I've got it: Anthony,

Lighten your anxiety.



The archaic word albeit

Does not rhyme with eight - you see it;

With and forthwith, one has voice,

One has not, you make your choice.



Shoes, goes, does [1]. Now first say: finger;

Then say: singer, ginger, linger.

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,



Hero, heron, query, very,

Parry, tarry, fury, bury,

Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,

Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.



Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,

Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners

Holm you know, but noes, canoes,

Puisne, truism, use, to use?



Though the difference seems little,

We say actual, but victual,

Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,

Put, nut, granite, and unite



Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,

Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,

Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.



Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific;

Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.



Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,

Next omit, which differs from it

Bona fide, alibi

Gyrate, dowry and awry.



Sea, idea, guinea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.



Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion with battalion,

Rally with ally; yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!



Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.

Never guess - it is not safe,

We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.



Starry, granary, canary,

Crevice, but device, and eyrie,

Face, but preface, then grimace,

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.



Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;

Ear, but earn; and ere and tear

Do not rhyme with here but heir.



Mind the O of off and often

Which may be pronounced as orphan,

With the sound of saw and sauce;

Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.



Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?

Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.

Respite, spite, consent, resent.

Liable, but Parliament.



Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,

Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.



A of valour, vapid, vapour,

S of news (compare newspaper),

G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,

I of antichrist and grist,



Differ like diverse and divers,

Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.

Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,

Polish, Polish, poll and poll.



Pronunciation - think of Psyche! -

Is a paling, stout and spiky.

Won't it make you lose your wits

Writing groats and saying 'grits'?



It's a dark abyss or tunnel

Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,

Islington, and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.



Don't you think so, reader, rather,

Saying lather, bather, father?

Finally, which rhymes with enough,

Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??



Hiccough has the sound of sup...

My advice is: GIVE IT UP!



Notes:

[1] No, you're wrong. This is the plural of doe.

If you want to know more about this poem, you can take a look at this page. There's also a page on the Internet with the phonetical transcription of the first verses of the poem, in both British and American English pronunciation.

This my first post in this blog (and the first post of the blog, as well). It's nice to open the English tips and hints blog with this fabulous poem!

The English Lesson is a poem frequently quoted on the Internet which shows us some crazy things of the English language, beginning with the irregular plural form of some nouns and going on the differences in the pronunciation of some similar words.

Reading this poem is difficult even to the most experienced speakers of the language. So, if you have problems doing that, don't worry. Even native speakers get confused when they try to read this poem.

Here goes the full poem, with the confusing words highlighted:

We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;

But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

 

You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,

But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

When couldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

 

The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,

But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.

And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,

But I give a boot--would a pair be called beet?

 

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular is this and plural is these,

Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be called kese?

 

Then one may be that, and three may be those,

Yet the plural of hat would never be hose;

We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

 

The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

So our English, I think you will all agree,

Is the trickiest language you ever did see.

 

I take it you already know

Of tough and bough and cough and dough?

Others may stumble, but not you

On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?

 

Well done! And now you wish, perhaps

To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word

That looks like beard and sounds like bird.

 

And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;

For goodness' sake, don't call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat.

(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.)

 

A moth is not a moth in mother,

Nor both in bother, broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there.

And dear and fear for bear and pear.

 

And then there's close and rose and lose--

Just look them up--and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward,

And font and front and word and sword.

 

And do and go, then thwart and cart.

Come, come, I've hardly made a start.

A dreadful language? Why, man alive,

I'd learned to talk it when I was five,

 

. . . And yet to write it, the more I tried,

I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!

Unfortunately, no one seems to know the name of the genius who composed it.

If you want to know more about other versions of this poem, you can take a look at this page.